everybody knows

home sounds so good in theory. there's family. familiar places. comfort.

when was it that i moved past this place? it's certainly home, that's for sure. but it's not where i need to be anymore. i love my family but i'm lonely around them. i miss people i don't even know. i notice things now. people getting older. all the trite things we do, everything so predictable. i cringe every time somebody mentions the weather. i sigh when i realize that there's nothing better to talk about. i can't tell whether this is the life i want... domestic and endless.

then again, i suppose my life is as predictable as any. wipp gave me names and i found the girl i've never met. she's a sophomore. psychology major. from virginia. wipp thought she had a boyfriend. that's not surprising, i said. actually, i'd have bet my life on it, i said. she told me yeah, all the good ones are taken and only the losers are single and immediately left. congratulations to her for being so predictably female. still, i can't find any reason to be optimistic.

i had a down moment and texted danielle... told her i was sorry i didn't meet her earlier. (nestled inside, the intentions of meeting her before rob, of enjoying europe with her, of not being so goddamned lonely myself...) in a great moment of cosmic meaning (or no?) my phone vibrated while i was urinating. i knew it was her. she told me she was glad we finally met. it's a curiosity how she seems to care so much about me but can't even hint that she isn't completely enthralled by rob.

i haven't heard from georgia girl in weeks. that's done, i suppose.

i shouldn't end up writing about girls all the time. it just seems to mean the most right now. i've got work, research, interviews, post-exam plans, graduation... everything... and it all seems to fade beneath this cloak of hollowness. somehow, all i've got is nothing. i need to escape.