alone too long

shouldn't leave a lover alone too long lover find another and the lover is gone find yourself alone in the setting sun gonna take a couple years before the next dawn

i don't particularly enjoy posts that aren't happy but sometimes it's most necessary to write when one is down and out. i'm moving slowly tonight, metabolizing the few beers and other food. i feel fat and hate myself for it. campus grounds is quiet... barely any business tonight. i keep closing my eyes and dreaming of sleeping. it's the one thing getting me through the night. i usually enjoy working with diddy a lot but then again, i'm usually less lonely and don't have headphones in and am not this tired.

there's a static unhappy in here. the window's open but no breeze comes in. all but one of the panes of glass on the front door are boarded up with fliers... like there's a hurricane coming. i can see three people from where i'm sitting. one girl in the front room. she has her back to me, reading in a coat. danielle is next to me looking at her computer and fiddling with her mouth and teeth and fingers. and there's myself. right here.

i wonder sometimes why it isn't easier. all these girls i know and have never met, all with boyfriends. how do they end up like that? there's a secret i don't know. will sheff once sang the most perfect words in all of music: "i don't know what notes you want to hear played. i can't think what lines you'd like me to sing or say. not sure what subjects you want mentioned. so pause and add your own intentions right here." it preceded the most perfect moment in all of music. and i love him and agree with him.

i wonder why i can't play a song and she would fall in love. i certainly would... for much less even. an entire mixtape. on a guitar. it's a cosmic joke, myself, my luck, my nature. where did all the single girls go?

it is killing me, not being asleep.