a modern rock song

it's sometime early in the morning and i'm on a train somewhere outside Vienna, Austria. the sun looks to be about six inches high in the sky, but then again i'm very small. we just rolled through the Hohenau station and are running through backyards with pools and cemetaries. i'm sure we'll be in the midst of farm country again soon. a couple minutes ago, outside the opposite window, passed by a dozen fields of sunflowers. they were brighter than morning. i longed to see some out my own but when we passed a few acres of them, all i could see was brown. they all had their little necks craned towards the sun. it was the prettiest thing i've seen in a long time. this song was written for trains, though, so it helps.

i can look at my leg in the reflection and it looks like patrick bryant.

i'm surprised there are so many deer stands out here.

my compartment is filled with relatively recent and relatively brand new firends. they've all got their faults, according to me, but i know i do too. the track opposite us is getting so unbearably close. i can't imagine another train could make it past. i thought a while back about the group of kids i'm with over here so far away. 10 girls, the jew and myself. who would i fuck? who would i date? i came up with three for the first one. the only other such girl is asleep across from me. the one we make fun of because she's so resiliant. her fault is that she isn't receptive enough to me. i would say that, wouldn't i? i wish i knew her better, though. wish i felt that comfortable bond that means you're real firends, not just extended social accomplices.

i can watch people pass by in the hallway as the old train next to us takes off, heading in the same direction. only a few people inside. they looked quiet. i think i've spent half my trip people-watching. a man on the platform waved to his daughter in the next car as we departed. i waved back . he didn't see me. the tracks look as if they're made from ivory and rust. steel and dirty bone. the people over here are more interesting than those back home. pretty girls of all kinds. i want to meet them but i don't know how. if i spoke to them in german, i'd just order a sausage. i don't think that would accomplish much. my greatest regret lies with the german girl at the fan zone. she was perfect. her broken english was one of the prettiest things i've ever heard. i fall in love so easily these days. i never even knew her name.

a girl i will always love told me recently that i'm the kind of guy who will probably marry the first girl he meets and stay with her forever. i don't know if i like that idea or not. go watch trainspotting. diane was spot on. i don't feel like anyone gets a chance with the real me. i feel like if they did, i'd be better off. it's good to feel that way i guess.

she's the only one on the train without headphones on. the kid i told the other night that i hoped all the good in the world came to her. she responded with " ' ". i'll let you draw your own conclusions from that.

i just took sleeping pictures of all the kids in my compartment. some are cute, some aren't. they should never know. prague is on a horizon. i'll be there soon.