for all you goddamn people

drunk in the daytime. that's a new one for me. i'm fairly sure anyway... I started a bottle of 25 proof wine about an hour and a half ago and quickly finished it. the last half hour i've spent watching the beginning of batman begins. i'm sitting here now listening to "let's not shit ourselves (to love and be loved)" by the lovely Bright Eyes. i can hardly type. this is a good day for writing.

i feel like this is probably the low point of the day for me. i mean that figuratively, as this is probably the high point of drunkeness for me. i thought i'd drop by here and listen to good music and write about nothing for a while, seeing as my mind seemed to be in the mood for wandering and i'm curious as to what it would come up with. my volume's on 6 and that's only where i can hear it. i need to learn how to not censor myself. brittany, wally, jerad, holly, and sarah are in the other room watching the movie and i'm alone in this here dining room nobody uses but for writing papers listening to angry music and trying to think. somehow, 4:44 have already passed in the song. i'm not sure how. my favorite verse is just starting. sometime in the next couple hours the slovenia groups will return. i have no idea how i will act, especially when morgan gets back. i can't focus on anything more than 10 feet from my face. i'll probably regret this post in the morning. in fact, when i read it again, i'll probably think to myself, "fuck yeah, right about that" but i don't really give a shit.

what i know is that i've been thinking of morgan since i left this past thursday. i thought of her the entire budapest trip. i may be embarrassed of this later on, as i were after the whitney posts were written but right now, it doesn't matter. it's just what is. she's a pretty girl who is interesting and who hangs out with guys who don't buy into bullshit. or so it seems. as far as i can tell, that's me. i'll tell her how i feel. if she doesn't feel the same way, i'll let it go. i want to be her friend. it's as simple as that. to love and be loved. i just hope that is enough. if only i had a band to back me up on this. it would be beautiful. i might just go out on the porch and play it to myself just because i believe in it. wouldn't that be beautiful?

i might go back in soon to enjoy the movie. it's been almost ten minutes, you know. i don't know what else to do with myself. the most perfect situation i can imagine is love with morgan and a long distance relationship punctuated by periods of visitation, either in memphis or at wake. we'll see how that goes. i still have my paranoid visions of, "why would she ever think of being attracted to me" but that's how it goes. i'll survive.

i'll survive i'll survive i'll survive

hopefully i'll tell her how i feel. hopefully she won't be as creeped out as i can imagine. hopefully blossoming will occur. hopefully true happiness is on the horizon. hopefully. hopefully. hopefully. hopefully. hopefully. hopefully. hopefully. fopefully. hopefully. hopefully. fopefully. ho[pefully. hopefully.