what gives this mess its grace?

unless it's kicks, man

i regret that i didn't get more cleaned up this morning, instead of rolling out of bed too soon before my 8am class and simply going. that my face is the tiniest bit broken out at the moment, something that comes around rarely these days. see, the reason is simple. we did random group work in english just now. at first i was bummed because i wouldn't be working with my buddy next to me. it turned out pretty well though. two thirds of the rest of my group were the football team's beautiful, sometimes nude star quarterback and - ready for this? - chai herself.

i should preface all this by saying that i feel pretty observant, nothing more. there's a fine line that i'm afraid to cross, the one that people find strange. i don't seek out people, just notice them when they're there. it's all in my head anyway, i don't know what i'm saying.

it's been a while since i've thought half seriously about her but i feel like i got a sense today of how interesting she is to me. she was the last to join the group, came and sat down beside me. probably as casual as i was today. she has on this white t-shirt from the rainforest cafe. my family used to love going to there. blue jeans with paint splattered on the bottom. gray laceless converse low-tops. i have the exact same pair in red. last night i thought about wearing them today. this morning i forgot. touche, god.

a confusing incident. nevermind.

her eyeglasses are thick black-framed ray-bans, the exact kind i'd buy. it's not just those things either. it's that she's right handed but she writes with the claw like i do. it's the way her hair starts on her neck and slopes down longer and whispier by her ears. it's her demeanor, the fact that she's a braves fan. she's not perfect by a long shot but if you'd asked me to jot down the raw characteristics of my ideal girl, she'd be as good a match as anyone i've ever met. she clipped my leg once while reaching down for her bag and apologized. she kicked my foot by accident later and didn't feel the need to anymore. i didn't mind, it was a pleasure.

i think it's fairly obvious that i'm a crazy boy. this is used in the context of being a man, naturally. it changes, i mean. but with this... i have no clue. i tried bringing up the braves game last night and she seemed kind and interested. then the quiet kid of the group spoke up about it and i had to address him too. when that was done, there was nothing left to say. i just wanted some kind of in, an icebreaker for the future. i realized walking the mag quad towards reynolda that i really should have led off with wondering if she's a braves fan. because i saw her in that shirt one time. because i remember thinking it was awesome. maybe it worked after all. maybe she's attracted to goofy kids. if nothing else, at least she knows my name.

sometimes i feel like superman, sometimes i'm just recuperating.

supercosmicmoment as well. the quarterback and i are facing each other. it's a tossup between me and chai (i'm guessing) as to who's the most intelligent of the group but i'm the one who's spoken up so far so i guess i'm the default leader. quarterback has something almost smart to say so he addresses me with it. i'm sitting there staring into his big brown puppy dog eyes not hearing a word he's saying. i'm thinking... i have a football jersey in my closet with your name on it. wow. i already told you what a sexy bastard stradlater was.

i'm in a good mood out here on the sporadically sunlit patio so i'll close with a cheer:

what do i want? (to wake up next to her!)
when do i want it? (well... now!)

cheers!