that's where you'll find me
i had a moment of realization. just a minute ago, right outside. i was walking alone back from scales. it was raining (still is), not hard but enough to get you wet. i pulled my hood on and tried not to get hit by any all the way back. i think only one drop found my hand and a couple fell to my lips. i just watched a silly, wry little italian film starring the director... a sort of autobiography. caro diario, you should see it.
as i was climbing the hill up to the tree-lined faculty drive, i started singing. since there was nobody around, i just continued on, out loud. i didn't really notice it until i was halfway down faculty toward the apartments, the trees waterbombing me at every opportunity. my butchered version of "somewhere over the rainbow/what a wonderful world" snuck through the splashes and wind gusts. i fixed my uke last night so i can play it. just thought you'd like to know.
ohhhhh boy. and i know i'm running away. i tend to do that. dig myself a hole and hide inside for a while. i know i ignored you a bit last night. it was a difficult night. i wasn't getting much help from people, either. i tried to look as slow and sulky as possible when i walked away. i can't decide whether to believe you noticed or not. you don't text me anymore, don't get online to chat. haven't dropped by the room in days. i don't blame you. it's just that when i saw you at the coffee shop last night, it scared me. you give me a different reaction every day but i feel like this one will stick a while. it was as if one of those other girls, the ones i haven't seen for years, had just walked into the room. that fright that makes you want to simultaneously run away, hide and watch, and pretend they never existed. even though we spent nearly all day sunday together. i don't know why that is.
i'll come back, though. i promise. i love you too much not to. i just wanted you to know that it will be ok. you don't have to worry about me. i'm sorry i went crazy and let you know about it. sorry i didn't pretend a little harder not to be bothered by the other guys in your life. sorry to be so transparent. it will be ok. i'll be back eventually.
"if i stray too far from you, don't go and try to find me
it doesn't mean that i don't love you, it doesn't mean i won't come back and stand beside you
it only means i need a little time
to follow that unbroken line
to a place where the wild things grow
to the place i always used to go"
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment