(let down) hanging around

it's been a long time since i've written in the coffee shop. even longer since i've done so on paper. i remember writing a post similar to this one years ago about a friend. we only awkwardly say hello in person now. there's a group of younger kids at a table under the lamp talking about IS sectors and the fed. means nothing to me. the focus of tonight's diatribe is sitting on a couch to my right. half reclined actually. her feet are bouncing to an imaginary beat.

this is how i do. i sit and write because i don't know how to say anything out loud. every now and then i realize how dumb i really am for staying quiet but i never really do anything about it. she works here but isn't tonight. she's reading a book for an english class we have at 10 tomorrow morning. i was reading it earlier. i've found out a lot about her tonight. she's a film studies minor (like me!). i overheard that while she was talking to another guy. she used to take french (like me!). facebook says she's friends with a random dutch kid i knew in high school. played soccer with him. she's a sophomore. she's a braves fan (like me!). she has gray lace-less converses (like me... but red!). oh, and she's pretty.

thin face. black glasses. her hair was long until a month ago, when she cut it to her shoulders and dyed it red. a week ago it was at her chin and blonde again. it looks beautiful on her. her braves shirt is old with a few holes. the logo is mussed a little. there's a big hole in the left knee of her jeans. my favorite pair is the same way. i'm not sure why i'm saying all this.

i'd really just like to know her already. maybe if i worked here. that's a pipe dream. i know my firends like me. i've had a couple unprovoked comments recently to the tune of, "i'd rather be dating you." true, the girls were pissed at their boyfriends at the moent but i didn't ask them to say that. it being unprovoked, i'd call that social progress. apparently, i was a great date for the DZ semiformal too. i've worked my way onto the starting rotation. a last "woohoo!" for the white boy.

scratch that. she's not reading for our english class. even better. i'm about to not be... either. i'm also about to go to the bathroom just to write, "i just wanted to say hello (i hope you read this)" on the wall. that's how i do.

mission accomplished. now we wait. p.s. that "now", if you could see it written in my otebook, came out like street graffiti. spectacular and for no reason at all. the claw strikes again.

i haven't really been able to speak to spesso recently. we texted some last wednesday night. i even walked in the back door of the coffee shop to find her sitting in the lobby (roomie was working) and left without her seeing me. of course, then i succumbed to the craziness for a while. i dug myself out though. i texted her once last night, only half drunk, to ask if she went with her roommate to virginia this weekend. she wrote back this morning that she didn't and asked me why. i didn't know so i didn't respond.

she's on her third or fourth tea. we'll call her chai. we'll see if i remember that tomorrow. also, i've traded a couple messages with the swede, who seems happy enough to hear from me. we'll call her alskling. three pretty names for three pretty girls. apparently there was a kid in the french alps who looked like me. she kept wanting to call him by my name. i'm curious to ask her what she thought when she first saw him. if he actually does remind her of me. if, when reminded of me, what she thinks or feels. of course, i don't dare say these things. i'll get her to tell me in swedish someday. she's coming back next semester. we're actually carrying on like friends. it's nice. i'd kind of like someone to get high with anyway.

far as i can tell, chai is decidedly not a sorority girl. i like that too.

goodnight